Another busy day

Well, first I want to make note that the last two days I was thinking about two years ago. I had been seperated from my ex since late May of 2004. I was so depressed and lonely. On August 14th of that year one of my neighbors asked me on a date. He had been married for 19 years and was seperated from his wife three weeks prior. I had met him a few times and the funny thing, is that I was never attracted to him. Granted, when I was married I had my blinders on, but still he didn't interest me in anyway. Regardless, after a couple of e-mails I decided out of sheer lonliness to join him for a drink. We ended up having two and then when we were leaving he said this this it? Are you ready to go home. He had been so quiet I was a bit bored and thought he was too, but his comment made me think what the heck, lets go dance, so we did. We had a lot of fun that night. When he dropped me off I think I shook his hand and told him I had a nice time. Still not having any romantic thoughts whatsoever. The next morning, on August 15th I received a dozen roses. He said something like he hadn't had that fun as long as he could remember. It really touched my heart. I don't think many days have gone by since that first date when he didn't e-mail text or call. On our second date we went dancing and drank too much and I ended up kissing him. After that I told him no more dates with alcohol, because he wasn't even getting divorced at that point, he was just seperated, and I knew his wife a bit, and didn't want to look like the neighborhood tramp. He said okay and called me the next day saying he was filing for divorce. Our relationship was a strange one at first. We were still in love with our spouses. It was a given that he would go to lunch with his wife and kids and I would take my husband to football games. We both were not actively romantic with our spouses, but our hearts still belonged to them. It took about six months for me to be finished, in my mind, with my ex. Shortly after that I started getting jealous about him wanting his wife and making mention of that too her. It was at that time we had our first discusion about expectations. I told him I would need to be number one and eventually the only one. He said okay, but his actions did not follow, which caused us to break up a couple of times.
After we got past those issues and he was totally committed to me I sensed a longing to be alone. I needed it to grow as a person. I needed to know that I was okay on my own. It is a funny thing, because I had been supporting myself, keeping up the mortgage and all the other bills, but I felt like I needed someone in my life or I was scared. I had to prove to myself I could be alone. There was also a part of me that wanted the freedom to date and not be obligated to anyone, since I had been married since 19. Also, I realized that I could be spoiled rotten with attention, which I absolutely love. So, I broke up again. This time we stayed broken up for 3 months. I went on 20 some dates. Mostly, to keep me busy so I wouldn't take him back, because I did love him and it was hard to let him go. I also knew enough about Tim and myself that if he didn't start to see himself as a good catch and a great guy I could not respect him as I needed to. We both did our own thing and although I worried about him falling in love with someone else, I felt like the saying, set it free, if it comes back it is yours. He started dating. In fact one night I walked in with a date and he was at the bar with a date. It was quite a riot. I text messaged him after I left the bar and asked if he was going to kiss her. He wondered what was up and called me after his date was over and we both laughed when I told him I had been there too. Eventually, he started to date someone he began to care for. About this time I had had two guys I had an interest in. One turned out to be a bump on a log, saying he liked me, but his actions lacked. The other was Tim's friend. I really enjoyed his company, and to this day I am not sure why, but he didn't want to pursue anything. For whatever reason, it wasn't meant to be. After much thought I decided I would like to move forward in my relationship with Tim. It was my daughters birthday on Jan. 18 and he came over to bring her a gift. I told him I loved and missed him. He told me he felt the same. We talked about getting back together, but he had one stipulation. If I were to do that I would have to move forward and marry him. After a day in thought I agreed. I would like to say the rest is history, but that would be too easy. We are a work in progress. We have bought a home together, and moved in late March. He has been amazing with my kids. We have had several struggles. Mostly, me not feeling like I am getting the attention I need, although lately it hasn't been that way. Our latest issue was me realizing that although these are my kids and my responsibility I want to be with someone who wants to share in the financial obligation of the children, so we are now working on that.
Nothing is easy, and I still wish I could have made my marrige work, but I am grateful each day for a man who tells me he loves me, kisses me when he leaves for work and helps me keep my kids in line, and makes my body tingle when he loves me.